Thursday

Opt out

I think I'm about ready to opt out, which is not a good thing, but sometime I think it's not that bad of a thing. You know, just kind of fade from view of the general populace. Hole up in some hotel room somewhere on the edge of civilization for 2 bucks a night. Eat my 50 cent breakfast and just ignore it all. Let go of the fighting, the private lives of actors, and the stupidity of the average consumer.
Maybe I'll step in every now and again when I have something pertinent to say. Throw the words into the fray and then step back out again.
I wouldn't even have to become a hermit. I could just deal with my life daily. Deal with the lives of the villagers around me. Help them out when their trucks are stuck, maybe lend a hand around harvest time. I could just get around speaking pidgin. Just enough of their language to get by.
'Hi how does'
or
'I fine now. You are?'
Maybe after a particularly hard day of doing whatever it is I would be doing I could go down to the watering hole and get by on the grunts that pass for conversations in places where most people can barely speak their own language.
I would just ignore all this. This god we've made out of all we've made. Just let the 9-5, one-up-manship insanity behind. Focus on my writing. Focus on the people. Focus on doing something.

Tuesday

We're going to have to try harder now.

It's a phrase that is incongruous and full of meaning. If you take at it's most smallest it could be a couple of guys trying to push their car out of the snow. If you blow it up to encompass us all it brings on this whole new meaning. Like a presidential address after a devastating war. We're all going to have to work harder now to get our country back on track.
And at this junction of my life, as I ride the worn path to and from a corporate coffee shop slinging coffee, it's particularly meaningful. I'm going to have try a little harder now. Give that extra little bit.
It always seems like it's that extra little bit that's keeping us all back. That extra little bit that when you look back on your life you can see those points that you regret because you didn't take that extra step, give that extra little bit.
What could that extra little bit do? It could make my job easier. Take for example the phenomena of people leaving empty disposable cups at their table when a garbage is conveniently placed right by the door. It's not so much that I have to clean it up, as the thought (or lack thereof) behind it. Every time I see people do it I want to grab their cup and throw it out right in front of them as some sort of protest of what they have done, as if they would notice me cleaning up after them and be embarrassed that they were incapable of throwing out their own cups.
Just today four older people, at least two with paper cups had sat down and had their respective drinks and snacks. Then at the end of their little gathering they all got up and made their way to the door. I saw them get up and immediately walked around the counter, grabbed their paper cups and followed them to the door to throw away the cups. I was literally right behind them, practically walking on trodding on their heels. For some reason I was surprised when they didn't notice anything.
It all looks so trite when I write it down. But it's things like that, talking on cell phones and ordering, acting like you own the place, ordering ridiculous drinks five minutes before closing and general lack of respect for the workers that make the service industry a catch-all for the lazy and stupid in society. No one else wants to do it.
But to go deeper into that extra reserve of whatever it is I think that's where we need to live. In that little bit more. That space where you know what to do and have to choose should I push it, or just leave it. Should I tell my friend he's being an idiot, maybe face a fight, but hopefully help him out. Or should I just leave it and let him sort it out. Should I make the effort or not.
But then you over think it and it comes out sounding like an after school special, just whinny and trite.
But one thing's for sure look around yourself and tell me we shouldn't be trying harder. But then when hasn't that been true? And at what point in time have we taken up the slack and really done that? Never. And there's the problem, the sad and sorry truth of t he failures that make up the human race: we haven't and we won't.
We'll go so far and then stop. There we'll pitch our tents. We'll start our campfires and begin our hotdog roasts. We'll get comfortable and protect the status quo.
Then we'll point to each other and say I'm doing just as much as him. I'm pulling my weight. Or at our most introspective moments we'll admit that it's wrong, but even if i tried I wouldn't change a thing. So I might as well be comfortable till I die. Some may try to raise the troops. Cry 'Revolution up in this Bitch', but if anything revolution has been proved a fraud.
But if I don't do something I'm just going to sink into some existential crisis and begin some slow fade. So if for nothing else than selfish reasons (and I do hope it's not just selfishness) I'm going to have to try harder now.

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