Worries

My greatest fear is to be found naked in my bathroom far past my prime, after I have been in there for two or three days decomposing in the heat and the moisture. I guess I wouldn’t be embarrassed at that point if you believe what the atheists/agnostics/believers tell you. I would already be in heaven or hell or purgatory, sent on to my next life, or just disappear. Maybe swallowed into the universal consciousness. Either way I don’t think my dead, unsightly naked body would be that embarrassing to me.

So why do I worry about something that probably won’t happen? And even if it does happen I won’t care. I don’t know. It kind of wraps up everything I find reprehensible though. And to go out in a way that is so opposite of how I like to think that I’m living, it’s enough to drive anyone crazy.

Think about that dead, ugly, overweight, rotting, naked corpse. A, it’s naked. It’s such a vulnerable state. B, too old, vulnerable again. C, it’s such a bother to everyone to break down some bathroom door just to drag out your ugly rotting corpse, and to add to that you’re unsightly and naked. Gross. So not only are you vulnerable, but a draw on the energy of everyone around you. Ever since I was a kid I was told to be two things, tough and self-reliant, and I guess that death counteracts all of that.

Funny though, isn’t it, I mean this will never ever matter. But sometimes I worry about it.